Misfits
by Fear-The-Spork
Summary: A random collection of Shules drabbles that I can't fit anywhere else of that I couldn't make into a story. Rated 'M' because I'm a porn peddler and you all like it no matter what you say.


**A/N: This is a random little collection of drabbles and such that didn't fit anywhere else. They aren't related to each other, but I'm sure you could all relate some to others if you really wanted to. Some will indeed contain smut because I'm a filthy minded wench and I can't resist. No really. My mind is a whore.**

* * *

**~1~** _Care  
_

* * *

Shoving her face back into her warm pillow, Juliet O'Hara let out a miserable pained groan as light seeped under the curtains and hit her eyes. Her stomach was in agony and her back seared with pain and no matter which way she turned or moved or lay, the pain wouldn't shift. The room was too hot one minute and then too cold the next and she'd been kicking the covers off and then pulling them back on all through the night. She'd only managed to roll out of bed once that morning and that was to call in sick to the Station and swallow two Tylenol with a glass of water.

It was safe to say she had struggled to even keep the water down at all, but she'd managed it somehow and had slipped back under the covers.

The pills had done very little to alleviate the debilitating cramps and she whimpered softly, screwing her eyes shut and willing it away, but to little effect. Beside her, her concerned boyfriend shifted softly onto his side so as not to disturb her any more that he needed to. She felt a gentle, warm arm snake around her and across her stomach. His grip wasn't too tight and she welcomed it rather than shied from it.

She grasped his hand tightly as another wave of pain hit her, her eyes screwed shut again.

"Are you still hurting baby?" his voice was close to her ear, yet quiet and unobtrusive in the soft light of morning. She nodded, suppressing a sob and sniffling instead. He watched her helplessly, upset that he couldn't be of any help. He lay a warm kiss on the back of her neck instead, hoping that at least his closeness would bring her a little comfort. She whimpered, curling into an even tighter ball and almost crushing his fingers in between hers.

This battle was a monthly one that they always seemed unprepared for. No matter how often it happened, when the cramps came, it always took Shawn by surprise at just how much pain she was in. Her breasts were sore and even her skin was too sensitive to touch. She'd informed him after the first time it had happened that she suffered from terrible, agonizing periods that had plagued her since she was a teenager. That first morning, he'd woken up to find her curled into a ball on the bathroom floor, too weak to even move her head and sobbing roughly as she clutched her stomach. He'd almost had a heart attack, tripping over his own feet and almost knocking himself out on the bathroom sink as he ran to her aid.

He'd proceeded to carry her as gently as possible back to the bedroom and she'd managed to sleep for most of the rest of the day.

He hadn't moved from her side for hours, stroking her back and her stomach soothingly and hoping that it was somehow helping her. When she'd woken up again to his concerned face, she'd told him that he had indeed helped her more than he knew by just rubbing her stomach for her. The heat was one of the best things he could have given her. Hence his warm palm resting on her stomach now. He kissed her shoulder and let go, slipping out of the bed and padding into the kitchen to boil a kettle and fill a hot water bottle. He snatched up another two Tylenol and a glass of water, filling the bottle and carrying the whole lot back in to her.

She watched him as he leaned over her to press the bottle to her back, the heat immediately loosening her tight muscles and relaxing her. She moaned in relief and he hummed gladly. "Better?" he asked and she nodded, managing a smile. He fussed about her for a little while more before slipping back in beside her and holding the water bottle in place with his stomach as he spooned around her.

"I love you, Shawn," she whispered suddenly, pulling his hand up to her lips and kissing it. He chuckled.

"Love you too."

"Thank you for taking care of me. Not just this time. Every time. I've had to deal with this alone ever since I left home and I didn't have my mom. I never had her touch for taking the pain away and every month I thought that I could never miss her more. But that first time, when you found me in the bathroom... you took care of me and you were just so amazing. It was like being back home again, with someone who loved me and who understood how painful it was."

"Jules," he soothed, stroking her hair.

"I'm so glad I have you Shawn. Every boyfriend I've ever had has always run in terror or wouldn't come near me when they found out how bad the pain was. They always said the same thing about it being a _'woman problem'_. I always felt so isolated and even when I learned to just grit my teeth in the good months, I always felt so lonely going through it. You aren't like that. That's what'll make me say yes when you ask me. You'll always be there for me, good times or bad."

Even though he was surprised when she referenced the fact that there was a ring hidden in his jacket pocket, he didn't question how she knew. She just did and that was good enough for him. The fact that she'd just agreed set his heart racing, but he could tell that she was drifting off and so he said nothing more on the subject. "I'll always take care of you Jules." He kissed her shoulder again, watching her until she finally fell back into a deep sleep.

* * *

**~2~ **_Late_

* * *

"Shawn! We're going to be late!" Juliet called in frustration, smoothing down the front of her green dress and checking her make up in the mirror for the third time in half an hour. The certain half hour that her boyfriend was supposed to be getting his suit on in their bedroom. She tutted and rolled her eyes when she got no response again but for a thud and a muffled profanity that made her giggle. Well, she thought brightly, at least he hadn't strangled himself with his own tie.

Yet...

The night was still young and she hadn't gotten her hands on him yet. She glanced at the clock again, sighing.

This dinner was supposed to be important. She was finally sitting down for a meal with Shawn's family. His entire family. Extended and all. While they had been together for over a year, his mothers hectic schedule and her absence meant that even though they had met, she hadn't been formally introduced as Shawn's girlfriend yet. So, in honor of her fleeting visit finally coinciding with Juliet's day off, Shawn had summoned them all. The Spencer's were going to be there, along with the Gusters and Gus himself. Lassiter and a newly released Marlowe had been invited and even the Chief and her husband were coming along. Sadly, Buzz and Fran were busy with their new addition and couldn't make it, but they'd sent their best wishes for the night.

Even though no-one quite knew why Shawn had asked _everyone_ to go. Hell, even _she _didn't know and she'd been there when he'd made the booking at the restaurant. Safe to say, her boyfriend was being very, very secretive as of late. It didn't worry her much. Shawn did that sometimes, when he was planning something big like a surprise or a party. Although she couldn't quite put her finger on any special occasions that were coming up for anyone.

Brushing lint from her dress, she finally gave in and jumped up from the spot she'd taken on the couch. She marched determinedly towards the bedroom, intent on dragging him out whether he was ready or not. If he wasn't, then at least dinner would be a much more interesting affair.

She pushed the door open to find him sitting on the bed, his back to her and his head bent as he focused on something. He jumped when he heard the door open though and she narrowed her eyes at his back. "Tell me you weren't doing what I think you were doing," her tone was amused and teasing and his expression was one of surprise. He sometimes forgot that he wasn't the only one with a dirty mind in the relationship. "Because that's what you have a girlfriend for." She might as well tease him if they were going to be late anyway. He let out an amused, happy sigh.

"No, sweet girlfriend of mine, I wasn't doing that. Besides, I don't do it anywhere near as well as you do. There really isn't a comparison," he shot her a filthy grin and she rolled her eyes, suddenly regretting her choice of joke.

"That's me. The hand-job Queen. Hurrah," she said dryly, leaning on the door frame as he laughed at her joke. "So, if that's not what's going on in here, then what the hell is taking you so long? We're supposed to be there by six and it's five thirty already. No-one knows why you're throwing this dinner party Shawn, but since you're the host, you're supposed to be on time. Besides, I really want to make a good impression on your mom. This will the first time I'll be introduced as your girlfriend..." she crossed her arms, watching him fiddle with whatever it was she couldn't see. When he stayed silent, she began to worry. "Shawn, what's wrong?"

"Well, that's just the problem Jules. The girlfriend thing..." she stopped dead, her expression turning to one of concern.

"Shawn- what?"

He jumped up so quickly that he startled her, whirling around and walking towards her. He stopped dead in his tracks, right in front of her. "Girlfriend is such an overrated word Juliet. School boys introduce their girlfriends to their moms. I introduced Abigail to my dad as my girlfriend. You... you deserve such a better title. You deserve something phenomenal and different and wonderful," his hands pulled hers to his chest and his lips brushed over her knuckles. "You deserve to be introduced to my mother as the woman I love. The woman I want to spend forever with." His words hit her hard and the back of her eyes burned as she held back tears.

"What," she swallowed back happy tears again before she could speak. "What are you asking me Shawn?"

"There is a reason I wanted to throw this dinner party and I know it was kind of presumptuous of me... But I wanted to throw it to celebrate our engagement. If you'll have me. Marry me Jules," he reached into the pocket of his dress pants and pulled out that little velvet box that had sent the heart of many a man and woman into flutters. Her's was no different. The ring sparkled under the waning light of day that shone through the window and her eyes raised to meet his. She saw the fear of rejection and the spark of nerves and everything else run through them in one moment.

Her arms were around his neck before he could say anything else and she was kissing him, pushing him back to the bed and undoing his shirt because _to_ _hell _with the dinner; she was engaged! Her dress was hiked up to her hips and his dress pants were hardly even open, but it didn't matter because he was pushing inside of her and she was whimpering and rocking in his lap and whispering _'yes'_ again and again. They both knew that it was her answer that she was repeating just as much as it was a plea for him to continue thrusting upwards into wet, hot heat. They came together, him still buried deep and her gasping out his name into his neck while they collapsed backwards into the bed.

It took a few minutes- precious ones that they didn't have since the clock was still ticking towards six and they now smelled of sex and rumpled clothes- for either of them to speak again. "I'll take that as a yes, shall I?" Shawn barked out a laugh, wrapping an arm around her waist and keeping her close. She nodded, groaning softly.

"Best engagement ever," she nipped at his jaw.

Shawn Spencer closed his eyes and smiled. They could be late for dinner.

* * *

**~3~ **_Miss and Collide_

* * *

They always seemed to miss.

No matter which way the road took them, every curve and bend and every single fork they stumbled upon, they would pass each other like ships in the night. Barely managing to see each other in the cold dark that washed over them. Every opportunity was gone before they could grab it for a million and one different reasons and while they groped around in the dark for a touch of the other, they would deny it in the light and things would be normal again. Whatever 'normal' meant anyway.

It was a mistake when they talked so closely that night. He was too immature but he still held her hand when they skated on a lonely rink. She wasn't looking for love but those shoes really needed returning and his offer of a walk on the boardwalk was just too good to pass up. He had a date with the one that got away but still his mind always lingered on his blonde fireball. She had a date with Mr. Incredible the Billionaire and even when he smiled at her, he would turn into someone else- a green eyed psychic whose smile always seemed to warm her. He would stare at her back longingly and she would glance at his face, hoping to see him look back.

It was complicated and hard and a million other things that burned to think about.

She almost died on a clock tower and he got himself shot in the chest. Yet, they still couldn't find each other even when they saved each other and whispered words and glances turned into just wishing they could be friends again- the way they had been. He wanted to kiss her cheek and brush her hair from her face whenever it fell into it. She wanted to hold his hand, lace her fingers through his and make him coffee in the morning when he was still half asleep.

So hours and days of falling past one another, hands outstretched in the hope of finding purchase, became bitter thoughts of forever watching happiness be just out of reach. It was building and bursting at the seams and he was jealous and so was she and the thought of her spending forever with Declan Rand made him want to vomit. He said nothing though and stayed silent.

Her happiness was vital to his, he learned, and so he made jokes in the foyer of the winners mansion and wished her every joy in the world while his heart shattered on the inside. He told her to take pictures of moments instead of buildings and he was rambling like he always did when his feelings were too complicated for him to understand. He wanted her to grab life like she should because a woman like her should have everything she could ever want and all the love to go with it- and now she had someone to share it with. Even if it wasn't him. His voice caught in his throat and tears threatened but he continued, spilling his love for her in mismatched words and a speech that would rival Shakespeare. He resigned himself to watch her happy life from afar. He would watch her live and laugh, get married and have children that weren't his and he would always be there to watch her grow old with someone else.

He hadn't expected his speech to do much.

But then her body had collided with his, lips hot and breath hitching and he'd been blown away into shock- so much so that he hadn't known what the hell to do. His girl was kissing him with such force that he'd almost been taken off of his feet and sparks were rumbling in his belly and under his skin. His shock had been so severe that he'd only responded when the kiss was almost over and while his fingers itched to pull her closer, to pull her into him and just fall together, she was tearing away with surprise on her face and Declan's voice was echoing through marble rooms and getting dangerously close. He wanted to go back in for more, never wanted it to end. Her lips had been soft and wet and her fingers had been in his hair and he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been for just standing there.

Declan had bought her a hotel and he suddenly couldn't compete again. He cracked a joke and pulled Gus away with only one more glance in her direction. She had kissed him with fervor in her boyfriends living room and they were confused again about feelings just as they always seemed to be. He was exhausted on the flight to Canada because she had taken her passport and Amalfi was so much better than he could ever offer her but she was still all he could think about. Then she was there in Canada with him and he was begging her to talk because he was tired, so very tired of missing out on her and he hoped she was sick of it too. A criminal thwarted his chance again in the hotel room and on the bridge he'd almost walked away because she asked him to.

But he stopped himself and turned around, steel in his eyes.

On a bridge in Canada, Shawn and Juliet finally collided.

* * *

**~4~ **_Blush__  
_

* * *

"Well well well, if it isn't my most favorite Detective in the whole of Santa Barbara," Shawn Spencer gave an easy grin, sliding into the vacant seat that sat next to Juliet. He set a red container on top of some paperwork and the blonde rolled her eyes in amusement at his little compliment. He was always doing that. Complimenting her slyly with smiles and winks and just generally trying his best to make her blush as hard as he could. She supposed that sometimes he would make a game out of just how fast he could make her face go red. His record was probably still from the night they'd had their little close talking incident. She was sure that her cheeks had been on fire from start to finish when his breath had ghosted over her lips and he had been almost too close for her to keep a clear head.

Managing to snap herself out of it, she tutted and picked the container up so she could move her paperwork from under it. She sent him a warning glare and his smile turned into a pout. "Are you mad at me Juliet?" he asked, head cocking to the side before he leaned forward and rested his chin on his upturned palm. "Or are you secretly pleased that I've come in to brighten up your day?"

"Shawn," she whined at him and he chuckled, holding his hands up. "I'm swamped today with all this paperwork. Do you have a reason to be here or are you just here to annoy me?"

"I resent the insinuation Jules! I would never come here just to annoy you. I would bring something with me to make it look like I at least had a purpose," he pointed to the container and she cursed her mouth for finding him funny when her lips turned up into a smile. God damn it, she swore in her head. She always encouraged him when she didn't mean to and the look on his face now meant that he wasn't leaving until he got the attention that he'd arrived for. She sighed heavily and threw down her pen, swiveling her chair to face him. "You think I'm funny, don't you?" teeth bared in a grin as he teased.

It was her turn to pout.

"Spill, Spencer. What are you here for?" she pried for the truth, hoping it wasn't buried too far under the surface. Shawn could be like a Chinese puzzle box sometimes and it could be impossible to extract an answer. She worried more for that fact that if Carlton found him bothering her, he would get into trouble again and his mouth was too big for his own good sometimes. As much as he bugged her during the day, she found that she would look forward to his visits during bad weeks. He was like a giant ray of sunshine. It was just the odd occasion that she needed sunglasses on to spend time with him.

"You shouldn't wear your hair up, you know," he said suddenly and her hands went to said hair in confusion.

"Why not?"

"I like it better when it's down," he shrugged and she shook her head.

"Stop beating around the bush Shawn. If Carlton catches you here-"

"Lassie couldn't catch a chill in winter. Stop worrying about it so much Jules. Relax a little," he reached out and cupped her cheek and for a moment she thought he was going to pull her in for a kiss. But his fingers only lingered on her skin for a moment and they were gone and she tried her best to ignore the disappointment in her chest as he turned towards the container still lying on her desk. "Let me open this baby up and you'll see why I'm here." She leaned over closer to him, getting a whiff of his aftershave and his hair gel and much to her embarrassment, it made her mouth water even more than the smell now coming from the red box as the lid came off. It took her a second to pull her eyes away from him and see what he'd brought her.

Her eyes went big with excitement.

"Pancakes!"

"With chocolate sauce and-" he drew the word out, fumbling around in his jacket pocket and emerging with a can of whipped cream and two forks. "Spray cream!" She couldn't believe him sometimes. He always knew what she wanted even before she did. Her stomach rumbled at the smell and she could tell that they were still warm from the heat of the box. He passed her a fork and motioned for her to go ahead and when she did, he joined her. The paperwork could wait for now. They ate the seemingly endless pile of gooey mess slowly, savoring each mouthful and Juliet thought to herself that his moans were a little indecent just for pancakes but it didn't mean she didn't enjoy them.

They talked in between bites, ignoring the stares of people passing by and the loud tuts of jealous people still doing paperwork. Juliet laughed at something he said, suddenly very glad of his company. Psychic or not, he always knew when she needed cheering up and he never failed to rise to the occasion. "My God, these are good pancakes," she groaned and his laugh was warm with agreement. Chocolate sauce was everywhere. On their fingers and Juliet's once pristine paperwork. She didn't care. She could get new pages. The pancakes melted in her mouth and when she looked back at him, there was chocolate sauce smeared over his bottom lip.

Her breath caught in her throat. His tongue flicked out and caught a bit but it wasn't all gone yet.

"Uhm..." she cleared her throat and he looked up at her, chocolate still there on that sinfully tempting mouth of his. "You have a little-" she motioned to her own mouth and even with her instructions he still couldn't find it. It began to frustrate her when he went to every single place where the chocolate wasn't and never even close to where it _was_. "God damn it Shawn!" she finally caved, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and yanking him forwards. He flailed, thinking he was going to fall, but instead, he fell against her. Her lips crashed against his and she caught that taunting full bottom lip, lapping the sauce off of it without another thought except for '_hnngh_'. He groaned in surprise, his hand back on her cheek while she sucked the last of the sweetness from his lip and pulled away. He dipped in again briefly and kissed her once more, before they finally managed to get themselves under control.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before the mutters made them look around.

Half of the Station was staring at the pair in surprise but none more-so that Carlton Lassiter, who stood with eyes like saucers and his mouth flopping uselessly. Juliet's face burst into color as Shawn grinned coolly beside her.

This blush was really worth it.

* * *

**~5~ **_Water_

* * *

Shawn Spencer loved the water. From the age of two his father would take him swimming twice a week and at the age of six he was like a fish in the water. Nothing slowed him down as he bobbed and weaved out his dad's grip and wrecked havoc underwater with nervous people and lifeguards who could never quite catch the slippery little brat. When he was out in the world, near the coast and looking for money he would score a job with the lifeguards who patrolled the beach and ended up getting quite a few people out of difficulty in deeper water. It was like a second skin to him and tonight was no different. He slid through the hotel pool almost silently and sometimes he would flip around onto his back just to float, staring up through the impressive glass ceiling to watch the stars. It was silent, after midnight and while he knew he shouldn't be there, he couldn't help himself.

Himself, Gus, Lassiter and Juliet had been here undercover for the last four days, scoping out a murder suspect and another potential victim. It hadn't taken any of them long to put together the pieces and as thanks, the hotel had provided them with another four free nights stay before they had to go back to work. The Chief had thought it a brilliant idea. A chance for them to relax and a well deserved reward on top of that. She'd switched Juliet and Lassiter's shifts for them and Shawn and Gus had closed Psych without a regret.

This was just the first night and for once, he was enjoying the silence that came with the night time.

"Enjoying yourself?" A feminine voice asked from behind him and he was so startled out of his thoughts that he went under the water. He emerged a few seconds later, spluttering and coughing the water out of his lungs. Looking around for the source of the voice, his eyes fell on Juliet, laughing so hard that she was doubled over and gasping for breath. He felt himself blush. "Sorry Shawn," she finally caught her breath long enough to apologize and he shook his head at her with a grin.

"Jules, what brings you out here so late? Shouldn't you be tucked up and dreaming about me by now?" he shot her a wolfish grin and she rolled her eyes at him. Her hair was pinned up to keep it out of her eyes and his interest was quipped when he realized that she was wrapped in a big fluffy towel. She shrugged and dropped the towel, letting it pool around her ankles and his mouth was suddenly dry because she was only wearing a bikini and he was only a mere mortal man. He felt fire coarse through his belly at the sight of her, sitting down on the edge of the pool and her dainty feet slipping into the water to paddle.

"I'm here for the same reason you are," she shrugged, clearly not realizing just what effect her revealing outfit was having on him. He silently thanked God for inventing bikinis and especially the one she was currently wearing. He was suddenly very glad that his lower half was under the water and that the pool was only lit very dimly by floor lights dotted around it's edges. It gave the whole room a certain ambiance that they could both feel. "I'm here for the peace and quiet. I like swimming alone," she informed him.

He frowned. "Do you want me to clear out?"

She looked at him strangely then and he couldn't quite work out what it meant. "No. I can swim alone with you here Shawn," she informed him and they shared a smile of companionship. The case had tired everyone out and this was indeed the best way to relax. She pushed herself away from the side and bobbed in, dunking her head under to get used to the temperature and coming up again halfway to him. He desperately hoped she couldn't make out his little problem when she was under the water. Her grin of amusement when she came up for air told him that he hadn't been so lucky in hiding this time. "Seriously Spencer? Pitching a tent isn't swimming pool etiquette..." she teased and she appeared unfazed about the fact that he was aroused.

"Look Jules, that outfit is too sexy to be made legal. What do you expect?" he asked, not waiting for her answer and instead diving back under in the hopes that he could rid himself of his persistent erection. The warm water was doing nothing for him. He was surprised as anything when he met Juliet under the water and it seemed that it wasn't just him who could swim like a fish. She blew a stream of air bubbles and he grinned, his own rising to meet with hers as she motioned upwards. The surfaced together, gulping in air. Without waiting for him to speak again, she placed both hands on his shoulders and dunked him, swimming away and laughing when he righted himself and wiped water from his eyes.

"Did that cool you off?" she asked, still swimming far out of his reach.

"Not even a little," he shifted uncomfortably as the wet material of his shorts clung to him. He was surprised that she was as cool about it as she was. It wasn't exactly the done thing to do with someone you were only meant to consider a friend. In his musings, he lost sight of her again and she was under the water, circling around his back and coming back up behind him. He turned to find her startlingly close and their breath was hot on each others skin where the room was cooling it.

Goosebumps raised and she slipped an easy hand into the front of his shorts.

His breath left his lungs roughly in a gasp when her fingers circled around his engorged cock. "Jules?" he asked in an embarrassingly weak voice but she just pressed her lips to his and proceeded to stroke him in even lengths, brushing the tip and then the base again. His gut throbbed as he kissed her, his hips trying to move but unable to find a steady rhythm in open water like this. Her free hand went to his neck as she deepened the kiss, tongue tangling with his and his own hands gripping her shoulders to pull her against him.

Her grip was firm and sure and sometimes she would release him to trace contours and veins along his shaft. Her thumb circled the head and rubbed roughly over the slit, making him almost dizzy with pleasure. His hands weren't idle and they slid over her stomach and higher to cup her breasts. That got a whimper and an unsteady breath drawn from her throat just like him.

All the while her hand worked over him and after a while his breaths got shorter and the moans in her mouth got louder. She swallowed them so they wouldn't be caught and it took a few more strokes to bring him to his peak. He let out a guttural grunt of her name and she flushed with arousal at the sound. He came in her hand, hot and sticky, but it was soon washed away by the water. That would certainly give them a good laugh tomorrow when that jackass pool boy had to get in a retrieve something for a patron.

"Jules?" he breathed heavily into her ear. "Did you just jerk me off in a swimming pool?"

"Yeah," she confirmed and he nodded weakly against her shoulder, kissing her skin. She nuzzled him and tucked him back into his shorts so that he would be decent when they left.

"Oh good. I thought I'd drowned and gone to heaven." She shook against him with laughter, stroking the expanse of his back lazily as they floated together. They'd somehow made it to shallower water where their feet just touched the floor, so he was able to relax and try to recover himself. "So..." he drew out the word as the silence began to hang heavily. She pressed her lips back to his to silence him. "Okay then," he nodded, not saying anything else. They stayed there until they heard approaching footsteps and had to bail out for their rooms. Shawn didn't really know what to say or what to do. The girl he liked had just... well, _helped him out _in a hotel pool. What did one say in these situations. Leave it to Juliet as always because while he was still speechless, she knew exactly what to say.

"Hope you can hold your breath tomorrow night, Spencer..." she bit at his lip again, before closing her bedroom door in his face. He stared at it for a long while afterwards, wondering if he had indeed died downstairs. He took a deep breath and held it.

She wanted him to be able to hold his breath huh? Well, the lady would get her wish.

Not to mention a whole lot more if he had anything to do with it. He grinned the whole way back to his room.

* * *

**~6~** _Timing  
_

* * *

A Spencer always seemed to do things at the most inopportune times imaginable. Shawn would turn up to work fifteen minutes late with his hair still messy from bed and a piece of toast in his hand. Henry would turn up earlier than early to drag both his son and daughter-in-law to whatever family event he had planned that weekend. Jack Spencer turned up whenever he bloody well liked and left just as quickly- although this never bothered Juliet much seeing as she didn't think much of him in the first place. So, given a Spencer's curse for timing, her baby was no different than it's father.

She'd been on a run with Carlton when labor had begun. She wasn't working of course, already on Maternity leave but Carlton still liked to take her with him when he was on his lunch.

His temporary partner was atrocious, he'd informed her and she'd just shaken her head with a smile. Shawn was with Gus at the Psych Office, entertaining the newly arrived Chloe seeing as they didn't have a case. Henry was at home with Maddie who was around to look out for her first grandchild and saving Juliet on more than one occasion from the incompetence of the men. It began just as Carlton was pulling up to said Psych Office, when Juliet gasped loudly and doubled over. Her arm went around her stomach and she muttered a swear word under her breath. Lassiter looked positively terrified.

"O'Hara? You okay?" he asked, swallowing hard and nervously. Pregnant women scared him. They all knew that. She shook her head. She'd been having twangs and spasms all morning but that was normal enough for her. She hadn't thought much about it, just wincing every once in a while. But little baby Spencer hadn't given her any other inkling that they were due to arrive today. She still had another three weeks to go for God's sake.

"Just like your daddy- no sense of timing," she whispered to her bump. Lassiter was still frozen and staring at her like she was about to give birth to the creature from Alien. "Carlton, I think I'm going into labor..." his gaze didn't change, still one of blank fear and horror. "Go and get Shawn!" That seemed to snap him out of it and he nodded ferociously, kicking his door open.

On the way out of the car, he caught his foot in his haste and stumbled, hitting the sidewalk hard and yelping. Blood spurted from his nose and while Juliet rubbed her belly she looked at him in concern. "Carlton!? Are you okay?" she asked in a pained voice as he bounded up again, bloody nosed but still smiling in a creepy reassuring way. He gave her a thumbs up brushed himself off before scrambling towards the Psych Office.

She heard a scream of '_SHE'S IN LABOR, SPENCER YOU HALF-WIT!_' echo from the building, followed by more screams of curse words and calls of her name as Shawn rushed for her.

She rolled her eyes. Shawn almost hit the side of the car as he skidded to a halt, followed by Gus who looked as though he might be the one needing oxygen and pain relief before the day was through. Lassiter emerged after Chloe, with a cloth shoved up his bloody nose and they fussed about her like mother hens, helping her from the front seat and into the back. Much to her relief, Chloe swatted them all away with grumbles of idiots and headless chickens.

Shawn was kissing her forehead as another cramping pain raced through her. She groaned and that sent the men into panic again as they bumped into each other and argued over seating arrangements. "Shawn!" she cried out and he dived into the back seat beside her, clutching her hand.

"What do you need baby? Just tell me anything you need and I'll get it for you. Anything at all," he nodded reassuringly, stroking her lower arm.

"My over night bag," she pointed at the Psych Office. They kept three. One at their house, one at Henry's and one at the Psych Office. Thank God. He screamed for Gus who tripped over his own feet and almost sent Lassiter sprawling again. As the two men argued and Shawn yelled at them, Chloe pushed through them all and put the bag in the trunk of the car. She then shoved Lassiter towards the drivers side and Shawn and Gus into the front seat. They looked horrified at having to share but one look from the two women and they did as they were told. By the time they were actually in motion, Juliet's waters had broken in Lassie's back seat much to his displeasure.

"He's coming so fast," Juliet had gasped and that had sent them all into cries again. She could feel her little baby coming faster than she'd have thought he would. The car came to a sudden grinding halt and Lassiter swore loudly. They had hit the lunch time rush hour. In his haste to turn around on Gus's lap and check on her, Shawn accidentally kneed his best friend where it hurt and in between Gus's cries of pain, Shawn's apologies and Lassiter's laughter, Juliet felt the first of several contractions race through her. She gripped Shawn's hand tight through it, clenching her teeth and trying her best not to give in to the urge to push with all her might. "Oh God, I'm going to give birth in a car on the High Street," she whimpered as the pain passed and she relaxed back into the seat. Chloe was looking at her with panic flashing in her eyes although she didn't voice it for fear it would set the men off again.

The traffic was gridlocked and forty minutes later they had hardly moved at all and Juliet's contractions were dangerously close together. "I need to push!" she cried, letting Chloe brush her messy hair from her eyes and mop her forehead with a damp towel from the over night bag. The only good thing about going to slowly in the traffic was that Gus could run into the shop and get water for them. Shawn hadn't let go of her, talking her through her breathing exercises and letting her crush his fingers through each brutal spasm. In the half hour they'd been stuck, Lassiter had called an ambulance that couldn't get through, Chloe had turned Juliet so that she was in a decent position and partially lying on the seat. Under her was Shawn's jacket and Lassiter's was being used as a pillow.

"Jesus, this kid is flying out," Chloe gasped in exhaustion as Juliet screamed her way through another contraction. "And these things are getting really close together."

"That means he's on his way!" Gus piped in and all heads in the car turned slowly, to look at him in disbelief.

"Really? Really Gus? Is the baby on it's way? I hadn't noticed, had you Juliet?" Chloe asked, throwing her hands up in the air and resisting the urge to kill.

"Don't turn on each other. That's what it wants!" Lassiter called over another wail from Juliet as she huffed and puffed through another contraction racing over her.

"Chloe," her voice was small and everyone shut the hell up very quickly. "I think's coming now. I- I can't hold it anymore. I need to push," she cried and Chloe nodded, looking in fear at Gus, Lassie and Shawn. But it was Shawn who she looked at longest. He was whispering soft words of encouragement to Juliet, his body lying between the front two seats and his trainers pressed against the windshield. "Shawn, I'm scared," she muttered, her forehead against his.

"I know baby, I know. But we're going to be fine, okay? When have your boys ever let you down before? We're not going to let you down this time either. Whether we have it here, or in a hospital, our baby is going to be alright and so are you. After all, you have us as midwives right? Who better? We would all walk over hell and high water for you, my beautiful Jules and this time is no different..." his words sent them all into silence save for Juliet's heavy breathing as she nodded at him. He turned to Chloe, pleading in his eyes. "Chloe, this baby isn't waiting and we're no where near the hospital. Help us," he pleaded and her panic seemed to pass. She steeled herself and turned back to Juliet.

"Jules?"

"Let's do it," she nodded and Chloe let out the breath she'd been holding. From the front seats, Lassiter took one hand off the useless wheel and twisted it around to take his partner's hand and Shawn's with it. Gus set his own hand over theirs and Chloe made five before she went back to trying to deliver a baby with no experience at all.

"Okay, next contraction you feel coming Juliet, push like you mean it. That's how they do it in the movies," Chloe stated confidently, before adding in. "I hope, anyway." Letting her body's instincts take over, Juliet went for it with all her might and Chloe nearly fell off of her seat when she saw the baby begin to crown. "Holy shit, it's a head!" she looked both amazed and horrified at the same time as they all looked at her with the same look they'd given Gus. "What? I've never seen a baby being born, let alone delivered one!" She went back to being composed and as another contraction beat at her, Juliet pushed again. "The head is out! Huh, it doesn't have three eyes. There goes my bet with Gus," she said in amusement and Shawn punched her in the arm roughly. "Sorry... One last one should do it Juliet. Come on blondie, show us that cop courage you have," she urged.

With one more exhausted scream, the yelling in the car was replaced with breathy high pitched cries of a different kind. Lassiter and Gus turned in their seats as they all fell silent. Shawn beamed at his wife and as Chloe wrapped a blanket around his baby, he beamed at the little wriggling lump as well. There was nothing they could do about the umbilical cord until they got to the hospital, but as Chloe set their little baby into Juliet's tired arms, nothing else seemed to matter. "It's a little boy," she informed them suddenly and Shawn laughed.

Lassiter and Gus cooed over him. "Hey there little guy, I'm your Uncle Lassiter. I'm going to teach you to be the best marksman in Santa Barbara. After myself of course," he spoke softly and Juliet rolled her eyes fondly. Shawn stroked the head of his infant son with a childish amazement shining in his eyes, before kissing Juliet softly.

"Hi little fella," he said warmly. "We're your mom and dad." The whimpering child calmed down a tad, squirming in the blankets and everyone stared transfixed. Lassiter even ignored the horns beeping behind them while they held up traffic.

"Heh," Chloe laughed, leaning back against the car door with a thump. "Kid has all the timing of his father."

* * *

**~7~ **_Jealousy_

* * *

It had been the dress that had set him off in the first place. That blue, curve hugging, tight Whitesnake-esque dress that she strolled out of the dressing rooms wearing. It clung to every part of her body and only came to mid-thigh and he felt himself twitch roughly in his jeans right in the middle of the store. He gaped and struggled for words before making a clever quip so that she wouldn't notice just how aroused she'd made him. Damn it, his girlfriend was sexy. It was a shame she was getting all dolled up for some other guy. Even if it just for the case, it didn't stop him from being insanely jealous. His woman was stunning for God's sake. From her sparkling eyes and the little crinkle in her nose when she smiled, to the way she arched her back and clung to the sheets when he did something particularly pleasurable in bed. He was never as attracted to her as in the moments when her breath was sharp in his ear and her legs were around his waist, eyes wild and skin damp with sweat.

He swallowed hard.

Her conversation with that idiotic turtle guy was still going on and Shawn glared when he'd brushed off his mother and her horrible timing. He felt a growl loose in his chest and a passing customer looked at him strangely. He paid them no mind at kept at his jealous staring. He noticed Mr. Nice Suit giving him the once over, his face incredulous and he fumed silently. What made that jackass think he was any better? Juliet was backing away now and she backed right into a mannequin. Shawn rolled his eyes, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her away. He felt the itch to have her begin to build in his gut and he looked around, ignoring her questions of what he was doing.

Noting that the girl guarding the dressing rooms was busy, he slipped them both inside easily and pushed her inside the first cubicle. He shut the door and locked it before turning back to her. She was giving him a '_what the hell_' look. "You do realize you're now stuck in the women's dressing rooms right?" she hissed in a whisper and he nodded, his eyes dark. He wanted her.

Now.

She noticed his smirk before trying to talk him out of it. It didn't matter if the thought was oddly arousing. "Don't even think about it Spencer! We'll get in so much trouble," his nose was nuzzling her cheek as he backed her against the mirrored wall with a thump. "We can't-" she protested before it was drowned out by his lips and any more protests were swallowed by his mouth. His tongue met hers and she relaxed in his arms, wondering just when his hands had slipped under the short bottom of her dress. He cupped her through her panties and her moan was breathy and soft on his lips. "Are you doing this because you're jealous?" she whispered, her tongue tracing the shell of his ear while the heel of his palm applied pressure to her center.

"It's mostly the dress," he informed her, nipping at her neck. Her panties were pushed aside and his fingers were in her suddenly- deep and hard.

"Woah!" she gasped, her hands on his shoulders and her arousal coating his hand, making his fingers slick. "Warn me next time Spence- Oh..." she trailed off as he gave a sinfully wicked grin and began to pump his two fingers in and out in a teasing rhythm.

"It's also the jealousy," he added finally, making sure to go in as deeply as he could with each and every drive. She whimpered, her head dropping into the crook of his neck and her breath scorching hot on his skin. "Is that good baby?" he asked softly, right into her ear. Her eyes were clenched shut as she tried to concentrate on not making a sound, but she could practically see his delicious grin and it only served to make her worse. Her arms were clutched around his neck, one hand in his hair and the other digging into his shoulder as she held on for dear life. When his thumb caught her clit, a ragged breath tore from her lips and they both had to pause to listen for sounds outside of the cubicle.

When they heard none, Shawn grinned, nipping at her bottom lip. "I think you want us to get caught," he purred, beginning his thrusts again and rocking his hand against her.

"Don't want your hand," she informed him weakly, tugging at his belt buckle. His own breath caught in his throat as he let her fumble with it and then his zipper. Even in her aroused and wild state, Juliet had no difficulty getting into his pants and his cock was released from the scratchy denim and into her soft palm. It was his turn to groan, long and needy and whiny when she stroked him. His fingers were still inside her tight opening and they mutually brought each other off with their hands for several seconds. She eventually bucked her hips upwards and her lifted her higher in his arms. She was as light as a feather and the dress rode up along her thighs much to his delight. He positioned himself and pulled the crotch of her panties aside with his fingers so he could push inside. She cried out into his shoulder to muffle the sound and he let out a long low moan against her neck.

Her heat was incredible and his eyes threatened to roll back, because no matter how many time he'd been inside her like this- every time felt just as exhilarating and as pleasurable as the last. He ground his hips up against her thighs, thrusting deep and hard to fill her as much as possible. He kept up a steady motion, Juliet bouncing in his arms to help him and the only sound they could hear was the slap on her ass against his hips and their erratic breaths cutting through the air.

Juliet reached her peak first, arching away from the wall and into his chest. He gathered her up in his arms and held her to him while she bucked and panted his name, letting her relax before he sought his own orgasm. He came into her deeply, hot and wet and their shared groan wasn't even barely concealed anymore. "Can you keep that dress?" he asked lazily, stroking hair out of her eyes.

"Only if you promise that we can have jealousy sex again."

"We can have jealousy sex whenever you want it Jules," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to her neck. "I won't complain-" The loud knock on the cubicle door made them jump and a stern voice floated through the cheap wood. They froze, wide eyed and suddenly mortified.

"What's going on in there!?" someone demanded and they looked at each other, wanting to be swallowed up by the ground.

"Oh crap."

It wasn't the fact that they were shamed in front of a changing room of women, or the fact that she had to wait in a line of curious eyes to buy the dress or even the fact that they were both frogmarched out of the store and asked never to return. None of those things really got to her. No. It was the fact that she just couldn't bring herself to look Madeleine Spencer in the eye on the whole ride home. Shawn couldn't either. Juliet was certain she might never look at her face again.

* * *

**A/N: That's all for now folks! Just the random beginnings of stories that never got finished and other little silly ideas that didn't go anywhere when I wrote them. I have hundreds of these things guys. Literally. Hundreds. Do you have a favorite? A request maybe? I might do another load when I've finished some proper chapters for NAPOS.**

**Reviews are like getting caught having sex in a dressing room. Embarrassing, awkward and tricky if there's more than two people in the cubicle at once.**


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